American Idol Top 11: Randy Travis is Temporarily Concerned
1 CommentsBy Lostcheerio on Tuesday, March 17, 2009 at 9:44 PM.
Happy St. Patrick's Day. To everyone except Judge Kara, who is wearing silver lame. And when I do not go through the extra keystrokes to give you the accent on the e in lame, to clarify that lame has two syllables and refers to a fabric, rather than one syllable referring to Kara, it is because I don't really feel like it.
Bring out the top 11! Our girl Megan takes the stage rolling her eyes and mouthing a bad word that rhymes with "duck." Seriously, I'm not kidding. It's country week, and that means Grand Ole Opry, Randy Travis, money, Carrie Underwood, and Michael Sarver looking like a boiled sausage. Randy Travis mentors our kids this week, and says spectacularly that this group is "among" the best groups of idols he's seen "during the years he's been watching." Wow. Step back. He predicts it will be an "enjoyable" show. Randy, you're killing me.
MICHAEL SARVER: Michael placidly worries about the many words he has to memorize, but Randy Travis bravely predicts he will do "a good job." Good grief, somebody put a hat on this Randy Travis character! He's letting loose with "good" and "well" and nice" and god help us if he isn't gearing up -- he might go all the way to "pleasant" and "admirable." Michael sings "Ain't Goin' Down 'Til the Sun Comes Up" by Garth Brooks. It's phlegmatic, embarrassing, nose-wrinkly, and the crowd says, "Woo!" Dan says "Did they turn his mike off?" Kara foams at the mouth about his great memorizing ability. She says, "Wow, so many words! How could you do that!!?!?" Yeah, well, you know, the Greeks used to do much more. So. Michael returns that while singing and words and notes are important, country music is about having some fun. Paula: "I thought that your artistic ability to take a harmonica player, it added charm, it boosted your confidence and fun." It takes a lot of artistic ability to take a harmonica player, especially one that's sitting on the edge of the stage and not paying attention. Simon calls it clumsy. Michael returns, "If we were all perfect, we wouldn't need this show." Holy crap.
OH MY GOSH -- ALL THESE SONGS ARE AVAILABLE ON I-TUNES!
ALLISON IRAHETA: Allison sings "Blame it on Your Lying, Cheating, Booger-eating, Mainlining, Yard-gnome-stealing, Dog-inflating, Loving Heart." I have a soft spot for this song because it is featured in "The Thing Called Love" which is one awesome movie. Allison sings it alright, maybe a little shouty, but hey. She looks younger, thinner, like less of a smoker, and in general just perkier than she has looked so far. The judges like it.
KRIS ALLEN: I just realized that this rubbery little kittenhead is trying to pull an Archuleta on us. He doesn't have the skin humidity that Archuleta had, and he doesn't lick his lips with the same reptilian relentlessness, but this is definitely a familiar silhouette. He sings "To Make You Feel My Love" or something by Garth Brooks, sitting on a stool, and making "Buckle your shoes, baby, I'm having a feeling" eyebrows. Gross. Totally like a wedding singer. Paula calls it honest, pure and vulnerable. Simon thought it was "terrific." Randy identified "tender moments." Kris responds, "Good comments are always good." *vomit*
LIL ROUNDS: Lil looks fantastic. It's the jewelry, totally! A really glorious, excellent necklace, love the bracelet, and I can even manage the fuschia cocktail dress with these fantastic accessories. Randy Travis announces, "She's got big pipes on the top end." Lil sings "Independence Day" by Martina McBride. I hate this song; it's the Sean Hannity anthem. It was also one of Carrie Underwood's big moments on Idol. Lil sings it adequately, explaining she wants to stay true to the country genre and not R&B it up too much. It wasn't the greatest performance of her life, but she's not in trouble this week, I don't think. Paula says, "When your voice pierces through, that's why you're one of the obvious favorites." Simon says it looked uncomfortable and persists in calling her "Little." I really love her necklace.
ADAM LAMBERT: Ryan uses the word "antithetical" to describe Adam Lambert and Randy Travis. Yeah. Adam has found a version of "Ring of Fire" that sounds kind of like background music in one of those ancient Sumerian movies, like 300 or Troy or something. The harem scene maybe. He sings the living hell out of it though, including belting out some really high, really crazy notes. Major camera-eye-molesting, though -- remember Constantine and the way he used to make you feel covered in slime just the way he would track the camera around with his one pulsating eye? Yeah. I think he will have safely survived country week without suffering any proximity to a banjo. Kara calls it a little strange. Paula seems to be wearing a wig, and she loved it. Simon thought it was indulgent rubbish. I actually really liked it the more I think about it.
SCOTT MCINTYRE: He sings "Wild Angels" by Martina McBride. The song is too big, he's playing the bare minimum on the piano, and looks terrified. I'm sure he's not, but... he looks like he is. How long are the voters going to keep this guy around? Paula says the piano is a crutch. Simon says, "What do you expect him to do?" Simon says it's a bad song, and Scott says, cryptically, "I lost a lot of hat picks this week." Then he waves his arms around in a confusing way. Scott says he won't be dropping the piano any time soon.
ALEXIS GRACE: Alexis has a beautiful dress on -- I really love this dress. She's singing "Jolene" just like Brooke White did last year. Randy Travis approves, and gives her the "I'd like to frost your cupcake, cupcake" look. She sings a little behind the beat the whole time -- I think Brooke did a way better job with this song last year. The judges don't much like it, except Paula. Alexis, chastened for losing her edge, promises to "dirty it up" next week. Alexis is getting boring.
DANNY GOKEY: Come on now. You can predict this, can't you? Can you guess what song Danny is going to sing? I'll give you a minute to think about what song would really showcase his appeal to small town America. If you guessed, "Jesus Take the Wheel" you are right. He sings this Carrie Underwood hymn in a white parka and clear frames on his glasses, baby. It is impossible to forget, as he stands there in all his earnest piety and friendliness, that we saw "worship music director" under his name during the auditions. The judges have differing opinions on whether he sucks on the verses or not. Everyone agrees that on the chorus he is just all kinds of marvelous.
Are you wondering if Danny Gokey is a tool? Check out this video. Do not miss Michael Carver standing in the background, hoping someone will call *him* on the phone and want to meet up with *him* at the Cheesecake Factory:
ANOOP DESAI: Anoop is worrying Randy Travis with his song choice: "You Were Always On My Mind" by Willie Nelson. I actually love this song, but it reminds me of that movie "Practical Magic" with Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock. Hey, nothing wrong with that. If I'm listening to Anoop with my eyes closed, nothing offends me. However, when I open my eyes and look at his facial expressions, his styling, his eyebrows oozing sincerity, and his nervous lips, all the hate comes rushing back. The judges love it.
MEGAN JOY CORKREY: Megan is going to sing "I Go Out Walking After Midnight" and that bothers Randy Travis, who nevertheless finds it totally unique and unexpected. Megan is using some kind of weird voodoo priestess accent -- like, are we getting our fortunes read in New Orleans? Or are we like, straight outta Haiti? Dan says it's a Minnesota convenience store clerk. We speculate if she has a hearing problem. Maybe she's sick? Certainly her boobs are not sick. They woke up this morning and decided to put in a full day's work today. Ok, after scooting her booty and finishing the song, she reveals that she is sick, and she's been to the hospital. Influenza B, people. B. She coughs through her critique. The judges love her, sick or well.
MATT GIRAUD: Okay, I've had it. Matt Giraud is WET, he is moist and his edges are ill-defined. He is pale and possibly MADE OF SPONGE. Randy Travis *again* feels misgivings, and then *again* professes to have those misgivings melt away. Randy Travis' critique of every idol: "Well, I must admit, I was unsure of his song choice, but then when he/she sang it, it was really great. If he/she sings exactly like that, it's really going to be neato." Way to mentor, Randy Travis. I have to say, strange colorless mole and all, Matt outsings and outplays Scott McIntyre eight kinda ways. I do not like to look at Matt Giraud, but he can sing. He's just so DOUGHY. Doughy and moist at the same time: UNPLEASANT. And why do we have to see so many pink, moist, toothy gums all the time?
Kara has praised every single one of them, tonight, in the highest terms possible.
Paula can't pronounce authenticity. She also seems to privilege "piercing."
Simon liked Anoop and Matt Giraud.
Randy expressed no memorable opinion.
When they do the summaries of the performances at the end, it's like "Which one of these things is not like the other?" with Megan Joy Corkrey and Adam Lambert sticking out like brave and crazy thumbs.
Best performances: Adam Lambert
Worst performance: Michael Sarver
Going home: Sorry, but maybe Megan. I hope Michael though.
Bring out the top 11! Our girl Megan takes the stage rolling her eyes and mouthing a bad word that rhymes with "duck." Seriously, I'm not kidding. It's country week, and that means Grand Ole Opry, Randy Travis, money, Carrie Underwood, and Michael Sarver looking like a boiled sausage. Randy Travis mentors our kids this week, and says spectacularly that this group is "among" the best groups of idols he's seen "during the years he's been watching." Wow. Step back. He predicts it will be an "enjoyable" show. Randy, you're killing me.
MICHAEL SARVER: Michael placidly worries about the many words he has to memorize, but Randy Travis bravely predicts he will do "a good job." Good grief, somebody put a hat on this Randy Travis character! He's letting loose with "good" and "well" and nice" and god help us if he isn't gearing up -- he might go all the way to "pleasant" and "admirable." Michael sings "Ain't Goin' Down 'Til the Sun Comes Up" by Garth Brooks. It's phlegmatic, embarrassing, nose-wrinkly, and the crowd says, "Woo!" Dan says "Did they turn his mike off?" Kara foams at the mouth about his great memorizing ability. She says, "Wow, so many words! How could you do that!!?!?" Yeah, well, you know, the Greeks used to do much more. So. Michael returns that while singing and words and notes are important, country music is about having some fun. Paula: "I thought that your artistic ability to take a harmonica player, it added charm, it boosted your confidence and fun." It takes a lot of artistic ability to take a harmonica player, especially one that's sitting on the edge of the stage and not paying attention. Simon calls it clumsy. Michael returns, "If we were all perfect, we wouldn't need this show." Holy crap.
OH MY GOSH -- ALL THESE SONGS ARE AVAILABLE ON I-TUNES!
ALLISON IRAHETA: Allison sings "Blame it on Your Lying, Cheating, Booger-eating, Mainlining, Yard-gnome-stealing, Dog-inflating, Loving Heart." I have a soft spot for this song because it is featured in "The Thing Called Love" which is one awesome movie. Allison sings it alright, maybe a little shouty, but hey. She looks younger, thinner, like less of a smoker, and in general just perkier than she has looked so far. The judges like it.
KRIS ALLEN: I just realized that this rubbery little kittenhead is trying to pull an Archuleta on us. He doesn't have the skin humidity that Archuleta had, and he doesn't lick his lips with the same reptilian relentlessness, but this is definitely a familiar silhouette. He sings "To Make You Feel My Love" or something by Garth Brooks, sitting on a stool, and making "Buckle your shoes, baby, I'm having a feeling" eyebrows. Gross. Totally like a wedding singer. Paula calls it honest, pure and vulnerable. Simon thought it was "terrific." Randy identified "tender moments." Kris responds, "Good comments are always good." *vomit*
LIL ROUNDS: Lil looks fantastic. It's the jewelry, totally! A really glorious, excellent necklace, love the bracelet, and I can even manage the fuschia cocktail dress with these fantastic accessories. Randy Travis announces, "She's got big pipes on the top end." Lil sings "Independence Day" by Martina McBride. I hate this song; it's the Sean Hannity anthem. It was also one of Carrie Underwood's big moments on Idol. Lil sings it adequately, explaining she wants to stay true to the country genre and not R&B it up too much. It wasn't the greatest performance of her life, but she's not in trouble this week, I don't think. Paula says, "When your voice pierces through, that's why you're one of the obvious favorites." Simon says it looked uncomfortable and persists in calling her "Little." I really love her necklace.
ADAM LAMBERT: Ryan uses the word "antithetical" to describe Adam Lambert and Randy Travis. Yeah. Adam has found a version of "Ring of Fire" that sounds kind of like background music in one of those ancient Sumerian movies, like 300 or Troy or something. The harem scene maybe. He sings the living hell out of it though, including belting out some really high, really crazy notes. Major camera-eye-molesting, though -- remember Constantine and the way he used to make you feel covered in slime just the way he would track the camera around with his one pulsating eye? Yeah. I think he will have safely survived country week without suffering any proximity to a banjo. Kara calls it a little strange. Paula seems to be wearing a wig, and she loved it. Simon thought it was indulgent rubbish. I actually really liked it the more I think about it.
SCOTT MCINTYRE: He sings "Wild Angels" by Martina McBride. The song is too big, he's playing the bare minimum on the piano, and looks terrified. I'm sure he's not, but... he looks like he is. How long are the voters going to keep this guy around? Paula says the piano is a crutch. Simon says, "What do you expect him to do?" Simon says it's a bad song, and Scott says, cryptically, "I lost a lot of hat picks this week." Then he waves his arms around in a confusing way. Scott says he won't be dropping the piano any time soon.
ALEXIS GRACE: Alexis has a beautiful dress on -- I really love this dress. She's singing "Jolene" just like Brooke White did last year. Randy Travis approves, and gives her the "I'd like to frost your cupcake, cupcake" look. She sings a little behind the beat the whole time -- I think Brooke did a way better job with this song last year. The judges don't much like it, except Paula. Alexis, chastened for losing her edge, promises to "dirty it up" next week. Alexis is getting boring.
DANNY GOKEY: Come on now. You can predict this, can't you? Can you guess what song Danny is going to sing? I'll give you a minute to think about what song would really showcase his appeal to small town America. If you guessed, "Jesus Take the Wheel" you are right. He sings this Carrie Underwood hymn in a white parka and clear frames on his glasses, baby. It is impossible to forget, as he stands there in all his earnest piety and friendliness, that we saw "worship music director" under his name during the auditions. The judges have differing opinions on whether he sucks on the verses or not. Everyone agrees that on the chorus he is just all kinds of marvelous.
Are you wondering if Danny Gokey is a tool? Check out this video. Do not miss Michael Carver standing in the background, hoping someone will call *him* on the phone and want to meet up with *him* at the Cheesecake Factory:
ANOOP DESAI: Anoop is worrying Randy Travis with his song choice: "You Were Always On My Mind" by Willie Nelson. I actually love this song, but it reminds me of that movie "Practical Magic" with Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock. Hey, nothing wrong with that. If I'm listening to Anoop with my eyes closed, nothing offends me. However, when I open my eyes and look at his facial expressions, his styling, his eyebrows oozing sincerity, and his nervous lips, all the hate comes rushing back. The judges love it.
MEGAN JOY CORKREY: Megan is going to sing "I Go Out Walking After Midnight" and that bothers Randy Travis, who nevertheless finds it totally unique and unexpected. Megan is using some kind of weird voodoo priestess accent -- like, are we getting our fortunes read in New Orleans? Or are we like, straight outta Haiti? Dan says it's a Minnesota convenience store clerk. We speculate if she has a hearing problem. Maybe she's sick? Certainly her boobs are not sick. They woke up this morning and decided to put in a full day's work today. Ok, after scooting her booty and finishing the song, she reveals that she is sick, and she's been to the hospital. Influenza B, people. B. She coughs through her critique. The judges love her, sick or well.
MATT GIRAUD: Okay, I've had it. Matt Giraud is WET, he is moist and his edges are ill-defined. He is pale and possibly MADE OF SPONGE. Randy Travis *again* feels misgivings, and then *again* professes to have those misgivings melt away. Randy Travis' critique of every idol: "Well, I must admit, I was unsure of his song choice, but then when he/she sang it, it was really great. If he/she sings exactly like that, it's really going to be neato." Way to mentor, Randy Travis. I have to say, strange colorless mole and all, Matt outsings and outplays Scott McIntyre eight kinda ways. I do not like to look at Matt Giraud, but he can sing. He's just so DOUGHY. Doughy and moist at the same time: UNPLEASANT. And why do we have to see so many pink, moist, toothy gums all the time?
Kara has praised every single one of them, tonight, in the highest terms possible.
Paula can't pronounce authenticity. She also seems to privilege "piercing."
Simon liked Anoop and Matt Giraud.
Randy expressed no memorable opinion.
When they do the summaries of the performances at the end, it's like "Which one of these things is not like the other?" with Megan Joy Corkrey and Adam Lambert sticking out like brave and crazy thumbs.
Best performances: Adam Lambert
Worst performance: Michael Sarver
Going home: Sorry, but maybe Megan. I hope Michael though.
Labels: american idol, recap, summary, top 11
Get outta here, Lydia J N! Megan was the bomb!
However, the rest of your critique is choked-on-toast dead accurate. :) Jill K