American Idol: Semifinals Week 3: The Girls
3 CommentsBy Lostcheerio on Wednesday, March 5, 2008 at 10:40 PM.
Ryan: The girls are in the house. The pressure is intense. The rewards are incredible. My scrotum is intact. My fans are insane. My parents are inconsolable. This is --- AMERICAN IDOL.
Randy wearing a v-neck sweater that looks like its last owner died from a slit throat. He suggests the girls bring it hard tonight. Paula has her hair up out of her face for a change, and apologizes for causing the pom-pon hairdo.
ASIA’H EPPERSON: She is embarrassed by the fact that she was an extra on a roller skating movie, and fell into a big light. Like she totally crashed into it! But then laughed! And like everyone on set was laughing! Making her like laugh more! OMG! She is wearing lavender jodhpurs and a taffeta fuschia corset tank with silver snaps up the front. Awful in the epic sense. This is no retreat, full commitment, life-changing, soul-swallowing awful. Example: The crotch of her jodhpurs sits very weird. The fly doesn’t start until halfway to her bellybutton. Leaving her with extra groin, which no one ever needs. She sings “I Want to Dance with Somebody” like a shouting aerobics instructor trying to get three more, and two more, and one more squat out of a couple of bored socialites. Paula is up out of her seat dancing. Randy thought it was hot. Paula thought she nailed it, even though it was oh-my-god a big song. Simon calls it second rate Whitney Houston. Asia’h shows all her teeth and says that's okay with her.
KADY MALLOY: Coyly delivered embarrassing moment: She auditioned for her high school talent show. She sang “Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera, and her music teacher hated it! On the way off stage she tripped over a microphone, knocked a speaker down, and caused mad feedback. Wow, it was so embarrassing with all that tripping and feedback and everything! Translation: SUCK IT, YA NINTH GRADE MUSIC TEACHER! CUZ I’M ON AMERICAN IDOL WITH MY SKILLZ NOW SO SUCK IT! Kady sings “Who Wants to Live Forever” by Queen and you know, I’ve said things about people who sing Queen on this show, but… she kinda killed it, folks. This girl has a really great voice. Maybe the secret to doing Queen is to go understated. If only she didn’t have a face that looks like an elephant just got up off it. Randy liked it. Paula called it her best performance yet. Simon calls her robotic, gloomy, somber. He predicts she’s out. Ryan says, “If you want to vote for Kady and her lack of personality…” Yes, for real, he says that.
AMANDA OVERMEYER: She appears for her video interview in a bit white bandana, and my suspicion that under all the hair and makeup is the face of a giant baby is CONFIRMED. Yes, I’m breaking this now: AMANDA OVERMEYER has the face of a giant baby. Believe it. Her embarrassing moment is something about fire. I was too distracted by her pudgy cute cheeks and her pouty poochy lips. Lips that just beg for tiny spoonfuls of applesauce, or peas, either one, they don’t care. She sings “I Hate Myself For Loving You” by Joan (Yuh!) Jett (Huh!). Looking a thousand times better than last week, in a sparkly black top and a long shiny scarf, she shows she is back on the horse, kids. She rips it out. Randy says it was well done. Paula says she’s beautiful and she found the right song. Simon says it was fantastic! Let’s hear it for the girl in the faded denim diaper!
Let’s buy new linens from J.C. Penney and then sleep under a tree in the woods! In our new linens! Or better yet… let’s make our CHILDREN sleep out there in the woods on our fresh new stripey linens from J.C. Penney!
CARLY SMITHSON: Her embarrassing moment was getting her leg stuck in a railing. Sounds like she was drunk. She appears onstage in military pants with two sets of big brass buttons, one down each side of her hips. She sings “I Drove All Night” like she’s sawing apart a log, but in a good way. Fierce, murderous, rapier-like eyes, fist-pumping high notes, foot-stomping intensity. She also looks very pretty with curls in her hair, a fitted top, and some kind of knotty gold necklace. Military jeans notwithstanding, Carly is fantastic. Absolutely killer, the best she has ever done, she completely nailed it. Randy calls it another great performance.
KRISTY LEE COOK: When she was seven, she drank out of a dog bowl. That is embarrassing. Can’t she just reveal that she fell down the stairs when she was winning Miss America, or got a knot in her shoelaces when she was feeding the hungry in Africa, or noticed her top button was unbuttoned while opening for Britney Spears or any of the other fake suckassy embarrassing moments we’ve heard this week? She sings a Journey song (speaking of suckassiness) in a lame, milky way. On the high notes, the color of her tongue betrays the fact that she’s been sucking on a cherry cough drop. Or drinking blood to restore her evil powers. Whichever. The judges are ambivalent – Simon says at best she’ll come in tenth, and she says that’ll be fine with her. Great. Way to shoot for the yard, there, superstar.
Hey, BEE MOVIE is coming out on DVD! Apparently you can get a coupon for $3 off in this week’s People Magazine. In this week’s Entertainment Weekly you can get the actual movie between pages 37 and 38. And in this week’s Time, you will find a $20 bill, compliments of Jerry Seinfeld and Steven Spielberg, just in case you wanted to buy the movie, and you can keep the change.
RAMIELE MALUBAY: Her embarrassment revolves around a boy laughing at her picture in the fifth grade. Fortunately, after tonight, she can replace that deeply scarring moment with a new “most embarrassing moment”: the night she appeared on television singing “Take a Look at Me Now” in a purple tube skirt, a red cami, a grey jersey cardigan, and a SKINNY BELT over the top of all of it. I can’t remember how she did on the song. Sorry. Maybe the judges can help us: Randy says she’s overthinking it. She should “Come on wid it.” Paula says she has an innocent pure voice, then Paula wanders off into some other studio and starts jumping rope. Simon calls it old-fashioned (yep) and forgettable. Danny Noriega is wearing Ramiele’s clear plastic glasses. Vote now!
BROOKE WHITE: Brooke reveals she had a moment after church one Sunday after church when she threw her arms around her Dad from behind and told him how she was tired from church, and hungry, and did I mention she was at church? If you guessed he wasn’t her dad, you’re right! If you guessed the point of this narrative was not that she mistook one navy sport coat for another, you’re wrong! Wearing a bright melon western camp shirt and a woven belt in her hippie jeans, Brooke sings “Love is a Battlefield” with just one acoustic guitar accompanying her. A very fine job, Brooke! Randy thought it was interesting, Paula thought it was a wise choice, Simon thought it worked because it was original and thought it was a great performance.
I’m watching this on Tivo. Project Runway like half over right now. I’m glad there’s only one of these turkeys left to squawk.
SYESHA MERCADO: Embarrassment involving notes and school and boys. Whatever. She’s showing off her stems in a pair of grey silk shorts – again with the cadet buttons on each side! What is with these military buttons and flat fronts and, like, high waists? They look supergay. And frankly, kinda gross. She has great stems though. She sings “Saving All My Love For You” in a very capable, boring way. The judges rush through their comments – must be out of time. So am I.
Best performances: Carly Smithson and Brooke White
Going home: Asia’h Epperson and Kristy Lee Cook
Randy wearing a v-neck sweater that looks like its last owner died from a slit throat. He suggests the girls bring it hard tonight. Paula has her hair up out of her face for a change, and apologizes for causing the pom-pon hairdo.
ASIA’H EPPERSON: She is embarrassed by the fact that she was an extra on a roller skating movie, and fell into a big light. Like she totally crashed into it! But then laughed! And like everyone on set was laughing! Making her like laugh more! OMG! She is wearing lavender jodhpurs and a taffeta fuschia corset tank with silver snaps up the front. Awful in the epic sense. This is no retreat, full commitment, life-changing, soul-swallowing awful. Example: The crotch of her jodhpurs sits very weird. The fly doesn’t start until halfway to her bellybutton. Leaving her with extra groin, which no one ever needs. She sings “I Want to Dance with Somebody” like a shouting aerobics instructor trying to get three more, and two more, and one more squat out of a couple of bored socialites. Paula is up out of her seat dancing. Randy thought it was hot. Paula thought she nailed it, even though it was oh-my-god a big song. Simon calls it second rate Whitney Houston. Asia’h shows all her teeth and says that's okay with her.
KADY MALLOY: Coyly delivered embarrassing moment: She auditioned for her high school talent show. She sang “Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera, and her music teacher hated it! On the way off stage she tripped over a microphone, knocked a speaker down, and caused mad feedback. Wow, it was so embarrassing with all that tripping and feedback and everything! Translation: SUCK IT, YA NINTH GRADE MUSIC TEACHER! CUZ I’M ON AMERICAN IDOL WITH MY SKILLZ NOW SO SUCK IT! Kady sings “Who Wants to Live Forever” by Queen and you know, I’ve said things about people who sing Queen on this show, but… she kinda killed it, folks. This girl has a really great voice. Maybe the secret to doing Queen is to go understated. If only she didn’t have a face that looks like an elephant just got up off it. Randy liked it. Paula called it her best performance yet. Simon calls her robotic, gloomy, somber. He predicts she’s out. Ryan says, “If you want to vote for Kady and her lack of personality…” Yes, for real, he says that.
AMANDA OVERMEYER: She appears for her video interview in a bit white bandana, and my suspicion that under all the hair and makeup is the face of a giant baby is CONFIRMED. Yes, I’m breaking this now: AMANDA OVERMEYER has the face of a giant baby. Believe it. Her embarrassing moment is something about fire. I was too distracted by her pudgy cute cheeks and her pouty poochy lips. Lips that just beg for tiny spoonfuls of applesauce, or peas, either one, they don’t care. She sings “I Hate Myself For Loving You” by Joan (Yuh!) Jett (Huh!). Looking a thousand times better than last week, in a sparkly black top and a long shiny scarf, she shows she is back on the horse, kids. She rips it out. Randy says it was well done. Paula says she’s beautiful and she found the right song. Simon says it was fantastic! Let’s hear it for the girl in the faded denim diaper!
Let’s buy new linens from J.C. Penney and then sleep under a tree in the woods! In our new linens! Or better yet… let’s make our CHILDREN sleep out there in the woods on our fresh new stripey linens from J.C. Penney!
CARLY SMITHSON: Her embarrassing moment was getting her leg stuck in a railing. Sounds like she was drunk. She appears onstage in military pants with two sets of big brass buttons, one down each side of her hips. She sings “I Drove All Night” like she’s sawing apart a log, but in a good way. Fierce, murderous, rapier-like eyes, fist-pumping high notes, foot-stomping intensity. She also looks very pretty with curls in her hair, a fitted top, and some kind of knotty gold necklace. Military jeans notwithstanding, Carly is fantastic. Absolutely killer, the best she has ever done, she completely nailed it. Randy calls it another great performance.
KRISTY LEE COOK: When she was seven, she drank out of a dog bowl. That is embarrassing. Can’t she just reveal that she fell down the stairs when she was winning Miss America, or got a knot in her shoelaces when she was feeding the hungry in Africa, or noticed her top button was unbuttoned while opening for Britney Spears or any of the other fake suckassy embarrassing moments we’ve heard this week? She sings a Journey song (speaking of suckassiness) in a lame, milky way. On the high notes, the color of her tongue betrays the fact that she’s been sucking on a cherry cough drop. Or drinking blood to restore her evil powers. Whichever. The judges are ambivalent – Simon says at best she’ll come in tenth, and she says that’ll be fine with her. Great. Way to shoot for the yard, there, superstar.
Hey, BEE MOVIE is coming out on DVD! Apparently you can get a coupon for $3 off in this week’s People Magazine. In this week’s Entertainment Weekly you can get the actual movie between pages 37 and 38. And in this week’s Time, you will find a $20 bill, compliments of Jerry Seinfeld and Steven Spielberg, just in case you wanted to buy the movie, and you can keep the change.
RAMIELE MALUBAY: Her embarrassment revolves around a boy laughing at her picture in the fifth grade. Fortunately, after tonight, she can replace that deeply scarring moment with a new “most embarrassing moment”: the night she appeared on television singing “Take a Look at Me Now” in a purple tube skirt, a red cami, a grey jersey cardigan, and a SKINNY BELT over the top of all of it. I can’t remember how she did on the song. Sorry. Maybe the judges can help us: Randy says she’s overthinking it. She should “Come on wid it.” Paula says she has an innocent pure voice, then Paula wanders off into some other studio and starts jumping rope. Simon calls it old-fashioned (yep) and forgettable. Danny Noriega is wearing Ramiele’s clear plastic glasses. Vote now!
BROOKE WHITE: Brooke reveals she had a moment after church one Sunday after church when she threw her arms around her Dad from behind and told him how she was tired from church, and hungry, and did I mention she was at church? If you guessed he wasn’t her dad, you’re right! If you guessed the point of this narrative was not that she mistook one navy sport coat for another, you’re wrong! Wearing a bright melon western camp shirt and a woven belt in her hippie jeans, Brooke sings “Love is a Battlefield” with just one acoustic guitar accompanying her. A very fine job, Brooke! Randy thought it was interesting, Paula thought it was a wise choice, Simon thought it worked because it was original and thought it was a great performance.
I’m watching this on Tivo. Project Runway like half over right now. I’m glad there’s only one of these turkeys left to squawk.
SYESHA MERCADO: Embarrassment involving notes and school and boys. Whatever. She’s showing off her stems in a pair of grey silk shorts – again with the cadet buttons on each side! What is with these military buttons and flat fronts and, like, high waists? They look supergay. And frankly, kinda gross. She has great stems though. She sings “Saving All My Love For You” in a very capable, boring way. The judges rush through their comments – must be out of time. So am I.
Best performances: Carly Smithson and Brooke White
Going home: Asia’h Epperson and Kristy Lee Cook
Labels: american idol, recap, summary, television
What was with the stylist who made all the girls wear high-waisted pants? There really were some terrible clothes. Of course, it was 80s week, so....
My favorites: Carly (always)and Amanda. Brooke did well too.
Should go home: Kristy and Kady (sorry--I just can't stand looking at her dead eyes; she's like a zombie.) You nailed it with your description of Asia'h.
I wish you did just this for a living so you could live blog Project Runway too.
You can send Kady home, I'm cool with that. She has a voice made for radio, yo. NOT television.
I dunno if those lousy pants were from the eighties. I think they were from, like the 18th century British infantry.
I think they cut the legs of Carly's pants and made Syesha wear them.